I realize it has been about four almost five months since I updated everyone. That’s because there isn’t much to update. We still get emails regularly. It has slowed down a little bit during summer. A lot of them are still sibling groups of 3 or more. Some legal risk. A lot of teenagers. We have both yet to feel God saying here is your child.
With that being said these past few months haven’t been all rainbows and butterflies. If you know me you know I am pretty positive person. Usually in a good mood. Typically don’t get down in the dumps very much. The end of April through beginning of June was rough.
Most of you know we were in a wreck and the car was totaled. My purse was stolen and I was having to deal with identity fraud and all that fun stuff. That is the short version.
Then mother’s day came along. I was in no way prepared for the emotions that came with it this year. I celebrated my mom. We had a great weekend. I have friends who were new moms and excited for them. But I also have friends who in the past year have lost their mom. Even friends who have lost a child. My heart was heavy for them this year. And then there was me. I found myself feeling a little hopeless in the becoming a mom department. On top of it being Mother’s day almost everyone in our Sunday School class is having kids and you just feel like you are getting left behind. It is crazy to be able to be so excited for each and every one of them and love their babies but also have really hard days where you envy that. That was something I had never felt before. I have always wanted to have a family but I have always been content with whatever God has planned whether that involved kids or not. But for whatever reason I was feeling a little depressed. New emotions that I hadn’t experienced before. It was hard. It took me a few weeks before talking to Nick about it. I think part of it was being in denial and the other part not wanting to seem weak. But talking to Nick and my family and friends helped tremendously. Definitely helped me process things and work through those feelings.
I think another reason I hadn’t blogged in a while was because I struggled with sharing how I had been feeling. Did I really want to get deep with y’all. At first the answer was no. But i want to be able to look back on each update, whether good or bad and see God’s hand in it when it’s all said and done. I have probably starting writing this update 4 different times. Today I decided to finish it. I know I am not alone in struggling with infertility. I know I am not alone in my feelings of wanting to be a mom. So if this helps one person feel like they are not alone then I am glad I shared it.
I also know we have so many people out there praying for us and that we aren’t in this alone. I think sometimes as Christians we are afraid to share our feelings because we feel we shouldn’t be feeling depressed or having anxiety or whatever the case may be. And that isn’t how it should be. We Christians are broken. We are sinners. It is in our dark moments that we should be able to share with other believers and rally around each other. Be praying and walking with our brothers and sisters in Christ who are struggling.
It probably took me a month or so to start feeling better. We are good a place now. So thank you to everyone praying for us and checking in on us. We wish everyday an email or phone call would come in and we will have exciting news to share with you all. But until then we will keep waiting and trusting in God’s plan and enjoying the time we get to spend together.
Romans 12:12 Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer
Of course keep those prayers coming.
Pray for our emotions. Pray our spirits stay lifted and positive and even when they don’t that we can be there for each other and support each other as needed.
Pray we get an email or phone call.
Pray for our future child and all the children in foster care right now. That they are in a place where they feel safe and loved and being shown God’s love everyday.
~Britt and Nick~
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